Dear Martina,
I’m expecting my first baby soon and I like the idea of having a routine. I like to feel as if things are under control and I think I’d be less stressed if I had a routine to follow. My friend from antenatal classes is very against the idea. She said routines are all about forcing a baby into a schedule that suits the adults instead of meeting the baby’s needs. She even said she felt leaving a hungry baby to cry because it wasn’t yet the scheduled feed time is “neglect”! Obviously, I would never neglect my baby. Do you have to let them cry to establish a routine? Can a baby have a routine without crying?
Lisa
Answer
Dear Lisa,
Firstly, congratulations on your soon-to-arrive bundle of joy! The journey of motherhood is filled with excitement, challenges, and endless learning opportunities. As you prepare for this new chapter in your life, it’s natural to seek guidance. Many parents want to create a nurturing environment for their baby while maintaining a sense of order and predictability.
Why Routines Appeal to New Parents
Your desire to establish a routine is completely understandable. A structured schedule can help you feel more in control. It may also ease some of the stress that often comes with caring for a newborn. However, it’s essential to approach the concept of routines with flexibility and an understanding of your baby’s individual needs.
The Importance of Flexibility and Baby-Led Cues
You mentioned that your friend from antenatal classes is against the idea of routines. She is expressing concerns about forcing a baby into a schedule that prioritizes adult convenience over meeting the baby’s needs. It’s crucial to acknowledge that every baby is unique, and what works for one may not necessarily work for another. Instead of viewing routines as rigid schedules, think of them as flexible frameworks that can adapt to your baby’s evolving needs while providing a sense of predictability for both you and your little one.
Responsiveness: The Heart of a Healthy Routine
One of the key principles of establishing a routine without causing distress to your baby is responsiveness. Responsiveness means being attuned to your baby’s cues and signals and responding promptly to their needs, whether it’s hunger, fatigue, discomfort, or the need for comfort and affection. By tuning into your baby’s cues and responding with warmth and sensitivity, you can foster a secure attachment and promote healthy development.
Feeding on Demand vs. Following the Clock
Now, let’s address the concern about leaving a hungry baby to cry because it’s not yet the scheduled feed time. It’s essential to prioritize your baby’s nutritional needs and respond promptly to hunger cues. Feeding your baby on demand, rather than adhering strictly to a predetermined schedule, is recommended. Especially in the early months when your baby’s feeding patterns may be erratic and unpredictable. By feeding your baby when they show signs of hunger, you’re meeting their immediate needs and ensuring they receive the nourishment they require for healthy growth and development.
Creating Structure That Grows With Your Baby
That being said, routines can still play a valuable role in establishing predictability and structure in your baby’s day. Consistent patterns of feeding, sleeping, and play can help regulate your baby’s internal clock and promote better sleep and feeding habits over time. However, it’s essential to remain flexible and responsive to your baby’s changing needs. You may need to adjust the routine to accommodate growth spurts, developmental milestones, and other factors that influence your baby’s behavior and preferences.
Final Thoughts: Balance, Connection, and Growth
In conclusion, establishing a routine for your baby can be a helpful tool in managing the demands of early parenthood and providing a sense of order and predictability in your daily life. However, it’s essential to approach routines with flexibility, responsiveness, and a deep understanding of your baby’s individual needs. By prioritizing your baby’s well-being and responding with warmth and sensitivity, you can create a nurturing environment that promotes healthy development and fosters a strong bond between you and your little one.
Wishing you all the best on your journey into motherhood,